Dramatis
Personae!
The following is an exhaustive list of all current and past main Millennial Heroes Characters.
Rob
Rob is one half of the Millennial Heroes duo. Loyal and steadfast to a fault, Rob is ever the straight man to Andy's whimsical chaos. Broke, rudderless, and drowning in debt both college and otherwise, his "himbo"-ish pro-human nature and qualities come with a host of neuroses fueled primarily by poor self esteem and body dysmorphia. While he mostly white-knuckles his way through trying to appear strong, confident, and positive, he secretly fears his shortcomings and the fact that he sees himself as a failure in general, and "bad at adulting" specifically, will eventually undo him. Rob seeks solace at the gym to combat his feelings of inadequacy, and although he'd never admit it, secretly craves the excitement Andy's fuckery brings into his life, not to mention the personal validation only going on rad adventures with your buddy brings. Oh, and he loves weed. Check his pinterest.
Andy is one half of the Millennial Heroes duopoly. Chaotic and whimsical in a way that puts even the Greek gods to shame, it's Andy's general way of being and his erratic decision making that most often gets them into trouble and on the road to adventure. While moral concepts don't mean much to him on their own, and he considers ideas like "good" and "evil" stupid at best and a real fucking bummer at worst, Rob's influence means he trends "chaotic good" most times. He's very much at home in the squalor they live in, and is there by choice because he loves it ( as opposed to Rob, there because he can afford nothing else). Andy's only real loves are weed, videogames, his guitar and ratchet-ass van, not to mention his extreme affinity for 1980's-era Margaret Thatcher erotic fiction. He should never be startled. He will cut you.
Andy
Jasmine
One of life's true anomalies, this seemingly normal, well adjusted woman lives in the same hive of scum and villainy as Andy & Rob. Roughly the same age as the boys, her life took an entirely different route although it appears to have arrived at pretty much the same place for unclear reasons. "Jazz" to her friends, this sweet, striking beauty works at a local City high school as a Guidance Counselor and is the object of Rob's (mostly) hidden romantic aspirations. She sounds like Jessica Rabbit because we're basically grown children.
Jan
Jan is the Superintendent in the apartment building Andy & Rob live in, not to mention an ancient Viking Warrior. That's normal, right? Having journeyed to this land many ages ago now uncountable with his Battle Brothers to keep an eye on that fucking interdimensional door in the basement, Jan's kinda the last man standing and now is the sole guardian between our world and the horrors from beyond that thirst to destroy/enslave/eat us. Well sorta sole. He forcefully shanghaii'd Rob and Andy into helping him long ago, so there's that. With those two, though, and how much weed they smoke... he's basically doing it on his own most of the time (and that's not counting the times when Andy either actively or passively makes his life harder). Jan's been there, killin' zombies and plumbin' drains for hundreds of years (we think, he's pretty evasive about it), and he'll likely be down in the basement until the fucking sun burns out.
Geo(ffrey)
Geo is Andy's suburbanite nephew. Although he lives in one of the small, quaint beach hamlets that sometimes surround the City when we need them to for narrative purposes, he goes to school in the City and thus spends a lot of time over at the apartment. Andy's sister's kid, he lives in the same town Andy & Rob grew up in and sometimes participates in their adventures when he doesn't have fucking homework.
An enigma of a man (famously), Chuck is the building's resident conspiracy theorist, hacker, and Dungeonmaster extraordinaire. Silent in most other circumstances, it's pretty common to just turn around and have him there. No one is certain how such a big dude moves so silently, and nearly everyone is afraid to ask. Chuck is able to procure basically anything needed for a deus ex machina intervention on account of his shady eastern-european connections that have, on more than one occasion, gotten the boys involved in international intrigue.
Chuck
Alex
Alex is the neighborhood bodega owner and real solid all around dude. He lives above the bodega with his wife and kids, and above-above his amorphously giant secret science lab where he invents all kinds of crazy shit to both aid the guys in their many hijinks as well as cause a few himself.
Vlad
God, would you look at that track suit. Vlad's a big ol' piece of shit. Oh, and also he's the owner of the game store/pawn shop-thing Andy & Rob work at. Not the first owner of the place, Vlad ushered in his reign of terror by acquiring the store through likely nefarious means after the previous guy died. Oily and rotund, Vlad is like if Carl from "Aqua Teen Hunger Force" and Danny Devito had a baby. Constantly a thorn in their side both actively AND passively, they long to rid themselves of the swarthy menace. His uppance is coming.
Hat
Another entry in the Rogue's Gallery, Hat is the boys' most immediate supervisor and Rob's most dogged competition for the coveted 50 cent raise one gets with management. If hat were a movie character, it'd be whatever that little fucker's name is that followed Scut Farkus around in "A Christmas Story". Hat has some sort of questionable and vast source of wealth that allows him to lead a Dan Bilzerian-level lifestyle on a salary roughly comparable to third-world child slavery. It's a mystery whether Hat can actually talk or if the guys are just super high around him all the time (50/50 shot, honestly).
Heather
Heather lives with her husband Brian on the floor above Andy & Rob. She's a schoolteacher at a nearby academy for gifted kids, where she frequently leads exciting adventures in her Sorcerous Edutainment Machine™ with the help of her talking lizard, Vermillion.
Maria
Maria manages the bodega for Alex, since he spends most of his time fucking around with his many splendiferous gadgets like some sort of tech Wonka. Maria has a lot of hats she has to wear for the business but she's perfectly suited to the role. Younger by a few solar cycles than the guys, she displays maturity well beyond her years (and certainly superior to anything they might have going on), owing to the fact that her family came here from Mexico when she was young and she had to grow up very quickly in hardship. She's still a girl at heart, though, so it's not uncommon to see her vacillate pretty fucking hard from bubbly to serious at the turn of a dime.
Bubba
Bubba's a robot Alex built for Chuck literally full stop so that you would buy him when we make a toy for him. We made him literally to sell merch, but at least we're not lying about it. He's our ewok, basically. Bubba also serves as a deux ex machina device sometimes when we need that from him... but mostly it's the toys.
Solara
Solara is an intergalactic alien bounty hunter from parts unknown with a long-standing axe to grind against the boys, owing to a multi-system warrant out for their arrest for vaguely stated reasons. Forever locked in a heated cat-and-mouse with them, Solara is most frequently thwarted by her inability to take her quarry seriously... but also by the fact that she made the mistake of pissing Jasmine off early on and so now Jazz is always on the look-out for her shenanigans. This results in a hilarious "Coyote and Road Runner" dynamic between them, which we milk to great effect.
Jaguara
Famed Brazilian luchadora and last of her mysterious unnamed race of cat people, Jaguara also has the ignominy of being Andy's... well, "love interest" is a bit of a stretch, they really kinda hate each other, but it's the closest he's capable of. With a path shrouded in mystery as dark as the darkest forest in Brazil, Jaguara is exactly what she sounds like: a fighting anthropomorphic jaguar woman-thing that behaves nearly exactly like a cat in most cases and almost never like a woman. Her feral nature earned her success in the ring, but like... she's so unstable only Andy is able to deal with her. Our Andy. We'll let you be the judge if it's worth it.
Chadros
Chadros is Jasmine's on-again/off-again boyfriend and eternal target of Rob's undying enmity. A physics teacher at Jasmine's school, Chadros is incredibly handsome, charismatic, and intelligent but is also vain and self-centered. This PhD mastered theoretical physics but he still can't figure out how human relationships and fidelity work and as a result ends up cheating on her quite a bit.
Ivan (DECEASED)
Hailing from red Moscow, Ivan was at one point not just Vlad's nephew, but also widely considered the greatest luchador of all time! The reigning LuchaPalozza Universal Champion several times over with many records to his name, including "Most Kills (Season AND Career)", "Fastest Kill", and "Most Stylish Kill", this storied luchadore met his end at Rob's hands during the championship fight, which Rob & Andy only entered so he could save Maria's dad's breakdancing afterschool from Vlad in the first place. It was a whole thing.
Guy Le Colonel (Missing)
Another famous luchador, this time from France. Once a very successful up-and-comer and serious contender to Ivan's crown as the latter sunsets into retirement, Guy use to thrill the audiences with his weirdly, almost specifically Jean-Claude Van Damme-esque moves and showmanship. The inventor of the iconic "Sonic Thump" attack that proved nearly unstoppable in the ring, it couldn't save him outside of it. Le Colonel disappeared under mysterious circumstances during the last LuchaPalooza Universal Championship, and has yet to be found.
Svetlana
Widow to Ivan and similarly accomplished in the lucha libre world as her famous dead husband, Svetlana was riding high on both her personal success as well as that of her husband... before Rob and Andy took everything from her by killing her husband. We don't know much about her yet, but we DO know she's filled with hatred and revenge. So there's that.
Yumi The Sexy Soviet Ninja (POSSESSED)
Yumi's father Tetsu was the funkiest ninja master in all of stereotypical 80's Japan, and Yumi was his heir apparent to Clan Funkubishi. That is, until, he was betrayed to the Soviets by a rival Clan and his daughter kidnapped by KGP officers. She was then raised in a secret Russian facility designed to churn out operatives for the dreaded Nochnye Klyki (Fangs of the Night), the USSR's cadre of ninjas... until she escaped. She traveled the world for a time honing her skills before being offered national redemption and forgiveness if she participated with Svetlana in the LuchaPalooza Championship. It was during this contest where Maria transferred Guy Le Colonel's soul from herself to Yumi, which she somehow had "on" her, through mysterious and probably fucked means. Since then, Yumi has been missing and assumed possessed by a flagrantly French douchebag, a fate truly worse than death.